Tuesday, April 8, 2014

~~A-Z: "Domination" by Raven

Hello, everyone. My name is Raven. I'm a young werewolf--the bad wolf here at Regaining Wings, if you'd like to call me thus. I'm not exactly what you want me to be, and I'm not going to pretend to not be a sadist. Nor am I not going to pretend to genuinely dislike all of humanity. I would genuinely consider myself as just a bit better than everyone else, and so I was chosen to discuss the Dominant side of BDSM.


I am not exactly an expert on the subject, but I shall actually cover at least some of the basics of Domination. Seeing as I am a Dominant personality, and the 'main/Host' personality (Alexandra) is a submissive, I haven't gotten too much in the way of practice. So, please forgive me if this isn't everything you would like to know.


So, before going into the whole Domination thing, I'll cover some basic terminology.


DOMINATION: To dominate someone means to control them emotionally, intellectually, physically, and sometimes financially. Occasionally takes pleasure in sadistic acts.

SUBMISSION: Submission means to hand off the reigns to another, and to allow yourself to be controlled.

BDSM: Short for bondage, domination, submission/sadism, masochism.

BDSM: A word, usually around three syllables, that is extremely unlikely to come up during casual conversation. Such as "platypus" or "ostentatious". This word, when spoken during some a scene (see below), will cause all play to cease as the submissive no longer feels able to continue.

DOMINANT: A Dominant is a person who takes control, whether just during a scene (see below) or during an entire life. They are expected to be able to give orders, as well as to make the submissive's safety their number one priority. They are responsible for caring for their charges, in every way possible. There are many sub-forms of Dominants: Master, Owner, Daddy, etc. For the sake of brevity, I will omit those from discussion. Male form: Dom, Dominant. Female form: Domme, Dominatrix.

SUBMISSIVE: A submissive is the person who serves, and finds solace in her service. She typically loves to be taken care of and controlled, and likes the freedom to really not make her own choices. She takes no greater pleasure than in pleasing another. There are some sub-forms: Pet, slave, littles....The form for both genders is sub or submissive.

SCENE: A scene is a place where BDSM is being practiced. It's basically the catch-all term for sex.

RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. A catch-all term for how to treat all BDSM play.

SSC: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Essentially the same as RACK, so see above.


There is something beyond powerful to know you control someone. To know you can control someone entirely, and know that they are entirely dependent upon you. To see the absolute worship and love in their eyes, and know they are yours, heart and soul, to do with as you will. It can be very, very addictive—and often pleasurable. However, it can take some serious work.


You need to learn how to control yourself as well as the one (or ones) in your service. You need to know what you can and cannot do, and ensure you do not push yourself too far. If you get too caught up, you could cause harm to the one who is working so hard to please you. You must keep control at all times—control I so often lost. You need to learn to respect limits and to always pay attention. You cannot ever lose control, especially when your sub is not in a position where he/she can speak enough to stop you.


That doesn't mean you can't push their limits, though. You need to remember that relationships of this kind are MEANT to last a long time, and need to have a lot of work put into them—on both sides. You need to always push the limits of your sub, but never enough to fully frighten them away. You need to keep trust in your sub, so you know they will not push themselves too far to please you—and you also need to make sure they trust you. So, don't be too quick to leap into bed with a sub. Ensure there is trust first. Build up a relationship. Get to know each other—both inside of a scene, and out.


A shepherd must always care for his flock.


A relationship of this kind is nothing like the relationship found within 50 Shades of Grey. Trust me on this one—50 Shades is abusive and nothing more. You can find better smut, my friends, online. You can also find better guides than the one I have written, and you can find plenty of materials. Even YouTube has some interesting guides. Your resources are limitless, and I recommend you learn. Ah, yes—try FetLife. It will be a friend to you.


Now, I must go.


With love and lust,



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