~~No One Else~~

Ah, the bitterness

The bitterness that hides fear

Fear of what? Of suffering again?

Of being hidden

Alone, cursed, damned?

Damned by my own will

By my own silence

If I could speak, look past it

I know I could grow

I have grown....

I am told I am the best kind of person

I claim selfishness

When in truth I am selfless

Giving so much and asking only

For affection

For something to toss on the balance

With the loneliness

And the shame

Even though a part of me knows

That all the affection is but a weak barrier

And that the dark will come again

And the pain will come again

Still I try and blind myself

To how afraid I am

And afraid of what? I am afraid

Of being alone

Forgotten

Abandoned

I am afraid

Of not being here

I am afraid

Of losing myself again

Drifting, forever

On shifting seas

I am afraid

Of losing my mind

Of losing control

I am afraid

I am afraid....

Ian has told me so much

And showed me what I've always known

But always avoided

Should I thank him, or damn him

For making me so awake?

I can not hide

From my mind

I must awaken

If I am to seize control

Of who I am

And who I am

Is bitter to hide the fear

Is childish to seek attention

Is weak to beg for another's help

Is strong only long enough that the burden

Can be passed on to another

However, I am awake

I do think

I do believe

Can I awaken?

Can I be

More than what I thought

More than what I knew

More than what everyone else

Believed me to be?

Can I understand the reason

Can I truly be

What Ian believes me to be?

I'm going to think quite a bit

Understand myself

See what insights I can find

Many will be posted here, as per usual

Blog readers, no one else

Has listened so patiently as you

Namely because this is just

Words on a screen

You've never spoken to me

I wish.....

I wish I could awaken.

I think I can.....

For now though...

I should sleep

The night lasts long

And the day draws near.

Farewell, readers mine

Fellow wanderers

May you to comprehend

And understand that

What comes before

Determines

What comes after.